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Religious jokes

A
priest was called away for an
emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his
rabbi friend from across the street
and asked him to cover for
him.

The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest
told
him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit
and show
him what to do.

The rabbi comes, and he and the
priest are in the confessional. In a
few minutes, a woman comes in and
says, 'Father, forgive me for I have
sinned.'

The priest
asks, 'What did you do?'

The woman says, 'I committed
adultery.'

The priest says, 'How many times?'

And the woman
replies, 'Three.'

Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the
box, and go and sin no
more.'

A few minutes later a man
enters the confessional. He says, 'Father
forgive me for I have
sinned.'

'What did you do?'

I committed adultery.'
r

'How many times?'

'Three times.'

The priest
says, 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and
sin no
more.'

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so
the priest
leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters
and says, 'Father, forgive me
for I have sinned.'

The
rabbi says, 'What did you do?'

The woman replies, 'I committed
adultery.'

The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, 'How many
times?'

The woman replies, 'Once.'

The rabbi said, 'Go and
do it two more times, We have a special this
week, three for
$5.'

The new CIA agents

Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out, so get out."The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out - get out." Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said, "Go kill your wife of fifteen years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said, "You gave me blanks, so I had to choke her."

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