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Aging
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.Insanity is my only means of relaxation.Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **caution - leave air holes.I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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From a Southwest Airlines employee....
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Contributed by: N/A
Date added: 12/10/2007
Joke Categories: Travel Jokes
Views: 164
| From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more." | | |  Add to Favorites  Printable View  Flag as Inappropriate |
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Joke of the Day |
Robber met animals
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus." |
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Government (3)
