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Random Joke |
Technological Doctor
One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:You have tennis elbow.Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.It will be better in two weeks.That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in thisample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises,flashedlights, and printed out the following analysis:Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant....twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.And.... if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!
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eJokes
Club |
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Welcome to the club! The eJokes Club that is! Sign up to receive our newsletter and 5 jokes sent in one email to your email address!
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours...
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriendentwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" thebartender asked."That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!" |
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Fishing jokes
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day,
when an angel appeared in the boat.
When the three astonished
men had settled down enough to speak, the
first guy asked the angel
humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever
since I took shrapnel
in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?"
"Of course," the
angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the
man felt relief
for the first time in years.
The second guy who wore very thick
glasses and had a hard time reading
and driving. He asked if the
angel could do anything about his poor
eyesight. The angel smiled,
removed the man's glasses and tossed them
into the lake. When they
hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he
could see everything
distinctly.
When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put
his hands out
defensively -- "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a
disability
pension."
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Joke of the Day |
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours...
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriendentwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" thebartender asked."That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!" |
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Government (3)
