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The College Food Chain
The College Food Chain THE DEANLeaps tall buildings in a single boundIs more powerful than a locomotiveIs faster than a speeding bulletWalks on waterGives policy to GodTHE DEPARTMENT HEADLeaps short buildings in a single boundIs more powerful than a switch engineIs just as fast as a speeding bulletTalks with GodPROFESSORLeaps short buildings with a running start and favorable windsIs almost as powerful as a switch engineIs faster than a speeding BBWalks on water in an indoor swimming poolTalks with God if a special request is honoredASSOCIATE PROFESSORBarely clears a quonset hutLoses tug of war with a locomotiveCan fire a speeding bulletSwims wellIs occassionally addressed by GodASSISTANT PROFESSORMakes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildingsIs run over by locomotivesCan sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injuryTreads waterTalks to animalsINSTRUCTORClimbs walls continuallyRides the railsPlays Russian RouletteWalks on thin icePrays a lotGRADUATE STUDENTRuns into buildingsRecognizes locomotives two out of three timesIs not issued ammunitionCan stay afloat with a life jacketTalks to wallsUNDERGRADUATE STUDENTFalls over doorstep when trying to enter buildingsSays "Look at the choo-choo"Wets himself with a water pistolPlays in mud puddlesMumbles to himselfDEPARTMENT SECRETARYLifts buildings and walks under themKicks locomotives off the tracksCatches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats themFreezes water with a single glanceShe IS God.
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Computer used too long
Rating: 
Contributed by: N/A
Date added: 12/10/2007
Joke Categories: Computer Jokes
Views: 170
| You know you have been on the computer too long when...When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"When you look for your homework using: "grep homework /dev/backpack"When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors....You're writing a homework assignment, and get the end of the line in the middle of a sentence, tack on a '\', and continue writing on the next line. | | |  Add to Favorites  Printable View  Flag as Inappropriate |
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Joke of the Day |
One day in class the teacher...
One day in class the teacher has sex education.On the black board she drawsa penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is.In the back ofthe room,Dirty Johnny stands and says "That's a penis,and my father has twoof them". The teacher looks surprised and asks "What do you mean,two?"DirtyJohnny responds,"A little one to pee,and a big one to brush the baby sittersteeth." |
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Animal Jokes (382)
