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The Rabbi wants a raise.
There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby.The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise.After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.After five or six children, this started to get expensive.The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine there was much yelling and bickering.Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!"In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said.."Point of information - snow and rain are also 'acts of God', but we wear rubbers!"
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You have an Internet addiction when . . .
Rating: 
Contributed by: N/A
Date added: 12/10/2007
Joke Categories: Computer Jokes
Views: 78
| You kiss your girlfriend's home page.A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. All of your friends have an @ in their names. When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple. Your dog has its own home page.Your dog's homepage is actually good.You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box. You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL. You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask. Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed." You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher." You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off. The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button. | | |  Add to Favorites  Printable View  Flag as Inappropriate |
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Joke of the Day |
Robber met animals
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus." |
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